Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
