just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
