I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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