Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
