lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Less talking, more tequila
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
