Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
