you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
