Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
