I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude i'm inner monologue high
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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