I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
