guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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