I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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