apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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