Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
