Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
