I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
