Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
