So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
