we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
