operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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