I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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