It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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