You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
