And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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