she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
