U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
