You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
