I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
