he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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