Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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