YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
