Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
