My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
