Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
