at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
