My cat gives me a boner
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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