if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
