he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
