I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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