i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
