look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
