even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
