Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
