I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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