Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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