who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Farmville is her only friend.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize