what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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