Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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