he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
