My hand turned me down
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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