if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
