i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize