was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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