i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
