i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When did angry sex become our thing?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had sex on a roof
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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