this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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