I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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