I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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