a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
