just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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